The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.
And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.
"Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. "To make the gravy," came her enthusiastic reply.
Assumptions
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four- year old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the pastor, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
Top 10 New Year Accessories for Ministers
(adapted from http://www.ship-of-fools.com via Barbara Bundick)
10) A collector's set of 'ten snow globes' that re-enact all of the ten plagues of Egypt.
9) The Shoes of the Fisherman -- these are flip flops with the words "Jesus Loves You" on the soles so that as you walk you leave the eternal message of God's love in the sand everywhere you go.
8) A Home Baptismal Kit for your pet -- the kit comes with holy water, a baptismal certificate, a prayer (of St Francis, of course) and instructions for a baptismal ceremony that will "enrich the lives of both you and your pet." Gee. I wonder if it's dunking or sprinkling.
7) A three pack of 'Jesus Saves' air freshners.
6) The Last Supper Wall Clock. It plays the Hallelujah Chorus on the hour - every hour. I am not making this up. Really!
5) A Chocolate Blessing Bar shaped like an open Bible -- with scripture inserted on a piece of paper. Discover for yourself that the scriptures are "sweeter than honey to my mouth," in the words of Psalm 119.
4) The Miracle Mug Coffee Cup - When a hot liquid is added, the night scene on the side of the cup turns into to a sky filled with the image of Jesus. There are two versions of the mug, by the way -- Armagedon and "Thief in the Night."
3) Holy Steps Odor Eaters -- A three layer insert for your shoes that has two layers to absorb sweat and odor and a third layer that is filled with soil from Jerusalem, so that you can walk everywhere on the ground that Jesus walked.
2) The Last Supper Musical Pillow -- it plays "Hey Jude" when squeezed.
1) And last but not least, for the die-hard Bible fan, there's gift number 1) The Bible Belt -- A belt that has as its buckle the words "Bible Belt." Wear this and you will always be at the "buckle of the Bible Belt."
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